Sunday, July 28, 2013

Last day in Boa Vista

July 26, 2013

Okay, let me try to explain how I feel right now. I feel miserable. I feel exhausted. I feel scared. I feel like I'm on the verge of being forgotten. I just laid down to sleep here in Boa Vista for the very last time. My heart hurts. And my head hurts from crying for the past four hours. 

Three hours and 40 minutes, to be exact. And I know that because it was 5:00 pm when Claudio came to our veranda to tell us goodbye. He said he was going to Gilbues and wouldn't be seeing us again before we left tomorrow. This first goodbye opened the flood gates.

We then decided to climb up that cliff so that we could watch our last sunset. Me, Allison, Natalie, Yonat, Marcio, and Mara. Marcio played his obnoxious music while we all talked and cried. I will never forget how I felt up there today... I couldn't even look at any of those people in the face. 

Climbing down that cliff with watery eyes is one my top 10 most dumbest ideas this summer. Dangerous.

And then we told Mara goodbye. She was off to Gilbues too. She gave me a ring that I put on immediately. This ring brought tears to my eyes every time I saw it for the rest of the night. Mara is special to me. I'm scared she doesn't know that.

I feel so sad right now. These people. I've been focusing so much on being scared of returning to the USA... That I didn't even realize how hard it would be to say goodbye. I wasn't prepared for this part of it.

I spent the rest of the night trying to memorize every crack in the cement and hole in the ceiling. These sounds that I'm hearing now... The constant insect undertones with donkeys, frogs, and Portuguese words from Maria's house. Will I forget this?
I couldn't even bring myself to look at those southern stars on our walk back from supper.

Will I come back? Mara told me to. Maria even told me to. Marcio said not to leave in the first place. Maybe I can come back. I have so much to say to these people... I'm irritated that I won't be able to tell them by myself. If I come again I will know more Portuguese. 

I need to return. Tomorrow's goodbyes will be awful.

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